Dream Boudoir Toronto Studio — Romantic bridal boudoir Photography Female Photographer

August 14, 2018March 13, 2019 by AlishbaZarmeen

What is a Boudoir Photoshoot?

Imagine walking onto a shoot for Victoria’s Secret Angels: You come in with your track pants and a jacket on with bare-face and a messy bun. Someone from our female-only staff, closed set walks over to you, offers to carry your coffee cup, your garment bag, and your handbag while you settle yourself in with beautiful music playing in the background to get you in the mood. This is how your perfect Toronto boudoir photography experience will begin the day of the shoot.

Once you’re settled in, your wardrobe combinations are put together according to your preferences. No more wondering on your own what to wear for your boudoir shoot. YOU DECIDE if you want a bra/jeans combo or the sexist lacey bodysuit. I will be there to help you guide and style along the way if you need any assistance. You’ll be free to use a carefully curated studio wardrobe collection as well if you so choose (consider coming in for a free fitting appointment when you book your session).

I help you accessorize your look, maybe with your personal collection which may have your grandmother’s necklace to preserve in photos forever or something you like in the studio.

You’re put into a makeup chair. You have one of Toronto’s best hair stylist and makeup artist professionals ask you about the look you want: YOU DECIDE if you want big, beach waves for your hair or a sleek blowout; if you want a barely-there Meghan Markle [link] look or if you want to go all out like Adriana Lima walking the runway [will link].

Once you love what you see in the mirror, we start with one of the four boudoir sets in the studio, designed especially for you: The Bed, The Chaise, The Royal Vintage, and The 50th Shade of Grey.

And we go:

LIGHTS

CAMERA

ACTION!

I will personally guide you through your best boudoir poses and style. We will dive deep in who you are as a person and how you want to see yourself and preserve that for all the time to come.

We will start with a series of classy poses, working on the philosophy of “less is more.” We will go from mostly covered to pushing the limits of your comfort zone. Most of the ladies who come to my studio think that they wouldn’t want to show “too much” mainly due to not having enough confidence in how they look — but, ten minutes into the boudoir session and they often ask me, “can we do a tasteful topless shot?!”

My answer is always, “Hell yeah!”

Wear less, do more! 😉

This stress-free, me-time is designed to make you feel comfortable and help you focus on taking care of yourself. You won’t have to think about anything else other than being present, mindful, and enjoying the serenity of self-love.

Planning Your Boudoir Photoshoot

When planning your boudoir photoshoot in Toronto, there are a few important things that you should know about. The tiniest details matter so much and I make sure that the studio staff takes it all into consideration during your shoot. Click here to download our beautiful and detailed Dream Shoot Planner if you already haven’t. This is your step by step exclusive guide to everything boudoir!

Choosing Your Boudoir Session Style

You are one of a kind and there is no reason why your boudoir session should also be anything less than that. Your custom-designed session will focus on what you find the most beautiful and during our phone consultation, we will explore what kind of images you are drawn to the most and would like to see yourself as. This could be:

Bright, airy, fresh, natural light, backlit, high-key romantic boudoir photography:

Flattering for your skin and that softness in your images.

This is ideal for bridal boudoir or birthday boudoir images.

Noir, slight grain, film style, low-key, black and white boudoir photography:

Designed to display the supermodel bombshell that you are and doing so artistically.

These make beautiful wall displays that can be a part of your or your loved one’s private art collection.

Vintage, pin-up style boudoir photography:

This is your calling if you are drawn to the fun, doll-like images from Marylin Monroe’s 1950s or if you’re a 1920s flapper dress girl.

Without all the background noise of sexism, this session style is re-purposed to make you feel empowered and sexy in a fashion style you identify with.

Natural wilderness, the beach, Hamilton’s waterfalls, Outdoor Boudoir Photography:

These are just a few examples if you are a beyond-the-four-walls girls. Due to the weather, these outdoor Toronto Boudoir Sessions are only offered in the summer months.

However, I am available to travel to virtually any part of the world you want me to capture you — how does the Bahamas sound to beat Toronto’s cold in January? 😉

You are in complete control of the setting of your shoot and the style of your images. I have four beautiful sets in the studio to choose from and I’m a short drive from the beach. Allow for a bit of travel time and we can shoot your Hamilton boudoir session at a waterfall location. This is ALL ABOUT YOU. When you book your session, you will also be given a complimentary one hour session planning consultation time with me which you can come to my studio for (we can also do a fitting appointment and see if you’d like to wear any of the studio wardrobe) or we can connect over the phone and go through your preferences. The possibilities are endless and we will explore everything that makes you happy!

Your bombshell inner goddess:

If this is your first time doing a boudoir shoot, your most urgent issue must be what to wear! (link) The good thing is that I’m here to help! And the BEST thing is that I have designed an exclusive what to wear for your boudoir shoot guide which also lists places you can go shopping! You will receive this beautiful e-book complimentary along with your session booking. How cool is that?

I will guide you as much or as little as you want with choosing outfits that flatter your body the most. We will accentuate your curves and minimize the things about your body you’re not crazy about.

We’ll work on creating a color palette for you based on your personal taste. From there, we will move to your dressing sense — always remember that this session is for you to SHINE so don’t be afraid if you want to try something that is totally out of your comfort zone. We are here to give you the confidence boost you so deserve!

You’re also very welcome to raid our studio closet! We have a mix of lingerie, formal wear, beautiful skirts, tops, and LOTS of jewelry and props to use for the shoot. I recommend coming in for your fitting appoint prior to the shoot so we can create a wardrobe style for you. You will also be able to view our beautiful print products and wall art samples to decide how would you eventually want to preserve you beautiful images.

Transform into a glamour starlet!

Professional make-up and hair styling is one of the most important parts about your boudoir photoshoot experience. It can make or break your forever images. I always, always only hire the best and top industry professionals to be a part of my hair and makeup team. This team is trained in film make-up and will create exactly the look you ask them to. All-glitter or barely-there, you are in charge of the vision and they will paint exactly that with flawless perfection.

All you have to do is cleanse your face the night before, prep it with a night-cream for perfect texture, wash with water and moisturize it the next day, and show up! It’s that easy! With a clean, prepped face, we will take care of the glamorous you! You will receive a detailed Beauty Preparation Guide with your booking to help you more in depth if you plan to take a spa day before the shoot and really treat yourself with a full beauty regimen!

For your hair, just wash and blow-dry the day or six hours before your shoot and let our artists know if you’d like sexy beachy waves or a more sleek look. They are experts and can work with all kinds of hair.

And here’s an idea! After your shoot, you will be all set and ready for a hot date! Don’t have a significant other? Go out with your girls and turn heads as you walk down the street! You will feel and look like a million bucks so let’s put it to use!

Flow posing, just like Flow Yoga!

As easy as 1, 2, 3, I will guide you down to your fingertips to capture you in the most sensual and flattering way you have ever been photographed! Much like a career in medicine or education, a professional photographer like me never stops investing in perfecting and polishing the craft. Which means, not only learning from the best teachers in the industry, which includes people like Annie Leibovitz, Vanity Fair Magazine’s Mark Seliger, my internship with the Walt Disney Company, and so on, I also never stop shooting! Passion and client projects alike, I have made sure that I apply all of my knowledge to easy you and direct you into the best posing and angles for you.

We’ll set the mood and bring out the expression and body language needed to make your image come alive. If, at any point, you are not comfortable with a pose, we will stop right away and try something different. Being a professional in this work of passion, you can rest assured that I have a plethora of flow posing which will feel like a light workout, but we will be able to easy find the poses that you love!

Preparing for Your Boudoir Session

The more prepared we get you, the better your beautiful images will turn out! We will make sure that you are not only physically ready but also in the mindset needed to celebrate the real you! Together, we will make this boudoir photography session the best photoshoot experience you’ve ever had!

Make sure you have nothing more than moisturizer on your face when you come in. Our talented makeup artists will work on enhancing your beauty.

A simple blow-dry out of shower the night before would be ideal. You don’t need to style your hair and you shouldn’t use any hair products in your hair prior to your arrival. A professional hair stylist will be on set in the studio to do it all for you!

If you like tanning, make sure you don’t do it in the days prior to your boudoir photoshoot. Avoiding lying out in the sun for at least three days prior to your shoot is a good idea to avoid tan lines. Also, you shouldn’t do spray tanning, either! It will make your skin appear orange and tan lines do not look flattering in boudoir images.

If you wax, you should make your waxing appointment at least two days before to your photo session to avoid any redness and bumps on your skin.

Above all, start mentally preparing yourself and avoid any negative self-talk in the days leading up to your shoot. I will send you an e-book I have designed especially for you to help you physically and mentally prepare for the session once we have your date booked and confirmed. This session is all about you and loving yourself. Embrace it and be shamelessly feminine!

Luxury, museum-quality EXCLUSIVE print products

When the session is over and your order is complete, you will have the following options to take home with you:

Designer Albums:

These are perfect for you to show off your boudoir photos in a discrete and personal way. You can tuck away your album on the shelf, then bring out when you or your special someone want to indulge. My studio albums are printed and produced in a state-of-the-art photography lab based in Venice, Italy. This quality is not provided by any other artisan and you will be ecstatic about this final product!

Wall Art:

Superior museum-quality canvas and wall mount prints allows you to create your own art collection. Displaying your gorgeous image, this can be a great addition to your bedroom, bathroom, or even in your significant other’s walk-in closet so whenever they shuffle their hanged clothes, they catch a glimpse of your beautiful self!

Luxury Glass Boxes and Matted and Mounted Prints:

For a private display of your favourite images yet having the option to display a gallery, you will love our luxury box options. The state-of-the-art professional photography printing lab in Italy that I am a member of has produced gorgeous boxes for me to present your ready-to-frame images into. You have the option of a Legacy Box which is a designer covered box, perfect for keepsake. Another option is our Luxury Reveal Box, presented in vegan leather base with a light glass cover where you can easy change the top image if you would like to display your beautiful images on a rotation basis. These boxes come in different sizes and different numbers of printed images giving you the freedom to choose what works best for you. These boxes allow you to individually gift an image or two to your sweetheart when they need to travel without sending the entire box.

Novelty Items:

From Christmas ornaments to calendars, I can design a one-of-a-kind novelty gift for you. Please let me know what you are interested in when we book your session and I will provide you with a custom quote for these specialized products.

Timing:

Once your session is scheduled, there are a few things to keep in regards to your timeline:With your hair, makeup, styling, shooting, and same-day viewing, it will take anywhere between 3 – 5 hours of total time the day of the session. This gives us enough time for you to try out all the different poses, wardrobe, and the different sets I have in studio.

Once I’ve captured your glowing, beautiful, confident self, we will take a short break. I will give you a Starbucks gift voucher down the street where you can grab lunch or you can choose to chill and relax in the studio with Netflix on the iPad. In that one hour, I will narrow down your best shots from the session and you will then get to see and order your images and products the same day!

Yes, you read that right: No need to wait for a ‘reveal’ session. It will take 2-3 weeks from when you complete your payment for your images to be retouched, processed, and delivered to you. Digital archives will be sent via download link and physical products will be available for pickup when they arrive in the studio from Italy. If picking up is not an option for you, I can also ship your order to you for a small shipping fee contribution.

Your images will be available for viewing an hour after the session. These will not be retouched images but a simple selection of the best from the session for your purchase. Retouched images of the ones you order will be ready two weeks after your payment has been made in full. This will gives me the time to carefully hand-edit and hand-retouch each images as masterfully as I can with careful attention to detail. If you’re in a rush, I can set up a rush order for you for a fee.

Your albums, wall art, folio boxes etc will take 2 – 3 weeks from when your retouched images are completed. If you have a rush deadline, let me know and I can see if I can help you out.

Payment Plans:

I want every woman to be able to have this experience. Which is why, I also offer payment plans to break up your order cost in easy instalments. If you are interested in this option, let me know and I will explain you all the details.

It’s time to give yourself the ultimate gift! This boudoir photography session is more than a day of pampering, relaxation, and fun — you will be creating forever memories of how you want to see yourself and how you would like to be remembered. This is something you and your partner will cherish forever. The strong sense of self-confidence this experience will give you is absolutely priceless. Right now is not the time to wait. Right now, you need to seize the day! Schedule your boudoir session today to start preparing for one of the most incredible sessions you’ll ever have.

Xoxo Alishba

August 13, 2018August 20, 2018 by AlishbaZarmeen

Bridal Boudoir – The Best Wedding Gift for Your Partner!

When couples are newly-engaged, their first order is to book a wedding and engagement photography session. However, there is a rising trend of “bridal boudoir” photoshoots which has captured brides-to-be with intrigue and an excuse to not only show him/her/their partner that they lucked out 😉 but also live a bit of their sensual fantasy.

So what exactly is boudoir?

Okay, you will find the etymology of the word “boudoir” quite amusing: Well before there was Instagram, the word Boudoir was derived from the French word “Bouder” which means “to pout!” Boudoir, as it is now understood in modern language, means a woman’s bedroom or private sitting room. However, what it really implies is a safe, private space belonging to a woman to use for a private activity of her choice. For Boudoir Photography, a boudoir photoshoot is designed for women to have sensual and tastefully sexy photos taken of themselves while posing in lingerie or sensual outfits of their choice. The sub-genre of bridal boudoir specifically focuses on a bride-to-be to pose by herself in white or traditional bridal lingerie before the actual wedding. These photos are then used for the bride to keep it for herself as well as present as a private wedding gift to her partner in an album format or as an artistic canvas wall art to be put up in the couple’s married bedroom.

A professional and responsible boudoir photographers takes your privacy very seriously and will NEVER show any of your photos to anyone without your permission. After having a consultation with a boudoir photographer, you should receive a contract from the photographer detailing your wishes of how private or discrete you want the photoshoot to be. For example, as a Toronto Boudoir Photographer, I always ensure that my contracts are in compliance with the local laws and that my clients and their privacy is always protected.

Your bridal boudoir session can be done in your own bedroom at home or at a stylish hotel room. I provide the comfort, safety, and perfection of a boudoir photography studio in Toronto/GTA. I have beautiful sets that look like luxury bedrooms, bright & naturally-lit parlour-style chaise set, darker vintage backdrops, and the flexibility to turn my studio into what suits your session the best. Because I feel that when an environment is set up that is designed to represent who you are and what you love, it automatically makes it natural to capture the very best of you in your essence.

Why choose a specialized boudoir photographer instead of a wedding photographer?

While Bridal Boudoir is for women who want to give a unique and special gift to their intended on the occasion of their wedding, boudoir photography, in its essence, is for any woman, at any adult point in her life, for any reason including a gift to herself.

Just like your spa routine, you would want to go to a manicure specialist for your nails, a facial specialist for your face, and a hair stylist for a blow out, same thing applies to your photography. Every photographer masters the genre they are most in love with. For wedding photography, you need to be a pro at finding all the details and the special moments throughout the event, for commercial photography you need to have an understanding of “agency environment.” Similarly, for boudoir photography, a photographer needs to be trustworthy, sympathetic to all the aspects of womanhood, know that beauty means different things to different people, firmly believe in a woman’s right to choose how she wants to be seen, and have a consistent and clear vision of intimate photography.

I have spent a long time perfecting my craft and my formal education in human development and political science makes me uniquely fitting to be your boudoir photographer in Toronto. My GTA/Toronto boudoir photography studio is an all-female, well-equipped studio to accommodate your taste and style. I am a short drive away from a beautiful beach where we can shoot in the summer. I am also available to travel and photograph you at a location of your choice.

Tough Questions: Will he still love me tomorrow?

Yes, my lady, yes! Some reasons are comprehendible for young women, some reasons you may only understand after you turn 50 and your body changes — your reasons to celebrate your body now are going to be different than your reasons of celebrating your body then. And you will be grateful that you have documented your evolution every step of the way.

Every woman is beautiful. This is may sound like a cliché but it is as true as the sky is blue. A girl I have been friends with for the last ten years is ridiculously beautiful. We’re talking supermodel gorgeous — but she only has a few photos of herself. I talked to her about it recently and she revealed that she has never let anyone take a photo of herself. I was dumbstruck! because while everyone had TRIED to take a photo of her, she would block them and not let them do it. When I told her this, she seriously looked sad and said, “why did I do that?”

Youth and Insecurity

Why do we feel so insecure in our youth? This is one of our most powerful phases but why don’t we celebrate it? This is not the day and age when women are forced to wear garter belts and stockings. Now we have the choice to wear what we want. Not all boudoir shoots need to look like a Victoria’s Secret ad. Your shoot can be as raw and “un-made” as you like. This is all real: Frilly & girlie or rock & butch.

As much as boudoir is basically about getting undressed in a safe environment, it really is about “dressing up” to get more than a sexy bathroom selfie! You will be showing off your very best self. Your day might start off with a bath. Then you walk in for your professional hair and makeup. We get you in your sexy “lingerie” or jeans and a sexy crop top — whatever is your calling! You come in my studio for you glam shoot, you slip out of your tracks and sweats and unleash the true beauty hidden inside.

Miss C

Miss C came was looking for a female Toronto boudoir photographer when she came to me for her bridal boudoir session one year AFTER her wedding as an anniversary present — but she wasn’t sure how her husband would receive it. She wondered if his reaction would be negative or less than ecstatic. She had never gifted him anything sexual or implicit before and he hadn’t seen her as classically sexy before. Born and brought up in a religious environment, she had no experience of embracing herself beyond the modesty she was taught to exhibit at all points in life. She came in anyway and we did the shoot. She transformed into this confident runway model while she was posing for me! When she gave her husband her favourite images in a luxury grand designer album which comes in a gorgeous glass & vegan leather reveal box, she told me that her husband looked at her in a way that she had never felt he had before! She told me that it gave their relationship a new dimension and it wasn’t all about sex, it was the fact that he started to see her as a confident woman who is comfortable in her own skin which truly surprised and excited him.

What it takes to pose like a bombshell?

A drink or two? Maybe, maybe not. As an artist and an image-creator, I want you to be in your element and in your character which can’t really happen if you’re relying a bit too much on liquid courage. An expert photographer is well-equipped to guide you through flow posing that feels natural and feels good. You will ultimately feel relaxed and at ease once we get into the groove of it.

The best advice that I can give you from the experience of photographing hundreds of women is: Be yourself! Whether you are a bare-faced natural goddess or an airbrushed diva, your choice has to be right for you and your style. You can Google and Pinterest the hell out of “boudoir photography inspiration” boards but all inspiration really is this: Being mentally and emotionally motivated to do something.

The reason we fall in love

It’s simple: We want to feel something — we want to be inspired by our partner.

Ladies of the world: Be proud of your body and no longer feel ashamed when you reveal your beauty. Is boudoir nudity? I say that Boudoir is more about art than anything else. Walk through any museum and you will see that through centuries women’s beauty has been captured to be marvelled upon forever by the most celebrated artists that have ever existed in history. Take the time to find an artist whose body of work draws you in and who you think can capture you exactly the way you want to be remembered for eternity.

If you think I am that artist for you then go ahead and

schedule your free consult with me today!

Book your consultation

in Reasons to do a boudoir shoot 0 comments

August 10, 2018September 4, 2018 by AlishbaZarmeen

Why professional hair styling and makeup makes a difference for boudoir photography

When planning a boudoir photoshoot, sometimes my clients ask me if they really need to sit in for their professional hair and boudoir photography makeup services that I provide as part of my shoot services.

My answer is always:

Hell Yes!

And here’s WHY:

What the camera sees and what we see can be different things, especially when shooting in a studio/professional setting. In order to reflect your natural beauty, we need to balance skin color and style your hair in a way that will give us consistency throughout the shoot. It doesn’t matter if we use studio strobes or natural light, in order to make sure that your skin reflects your natural colors, we need to apply some product to ensure we get the best results in camera.

Professionals makeup artists are not your average makeover newbies. They are called “pros” because they have been trained by the best industry names to to properly apply and enhance your features to give you the best, most “you” look possible. They are able to work with a range of skin types, colors, and textures and they only used the very best of skincare products. They can contour and create a look that are designed to work through the camera so that you have your highlights on “fleek.” 😉

Whether you like the sexy and dramatic Kim Kardashian makeup style or barely-there natural look of Meghan Markle, the professionals in my team can create it all. The only thing you need to do is let them know how you would like to see yourself. You can also let me know beforehand if you have any allergies or preference for industry standard products or want an all-natural vegan ingredients product selection. I am here to accommodate all your photoshoot needs. After all, what is a boudoir photoshoot if not your going all out to love yourself in a comfortable environment?!

There is an association with being all made up and feeling confident when it comes to women and photoshoots. I want you to feel your best when we capture your transformation from an everyday hustler who juggles too many roles and demands of life into a glamour goddess who has finally decided to take time to appreciate all that she does and all that she is. Your Toronto boudoir photoshoot experience will be incomplete without the special professional styling services included in your session.

My makeup artists only use high quality makeup because it works! Whether you want to cover up blemishes or prevent shine, professional quality branded make up is the best solution. Regular makeup pigments can be unflattering when they reflect light, giving you a shine which can be difficult to fix later but you can trust my team to make the shoot as flattering for you as possible.

Your makeup will actually STAY PUT throughout your session. You might be rolling a bed, playing with the white sheets, doing posing acrobatics with your whole body, you can rest assured that your makeup will stay fabulous throughout.

I mentioned posing acrobatics because I will make you WORK IT! But that also means that you’re going to need a hair stylist who knows how to create resilient boudoir hairstyles that can stay glamorous throughout the shoot. You will absolutely need the services of my expert hairstylist. They will help you achieve the look you really want — from sultry and sexy to sleek and elegant, or simply rolled-out-bed girl next door.

Liked boudoir photography tips here?

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in Preparing for Boudoir Photography 0 comments

August 1, 2018October 18, 2023 by AlishbaZarmeen

Boudoir Photography Can Heal Sexual Trauma

One of the biggest reasons I am such a strong advocate of women taking ownership of their sexuality is my own #MeToo experiences.

TW: Sexual assault, trauma

I was 9

My friends and I were waiting outside our all girls Catholic school in Pakistan for the school bus to take us home when this man showed up on a bike, whipped out his dick, masturbated in front of us, and left the scene. He returned several times over the next few years. None of us reported to our teachers because we knew we would be blamed for a. knowing what a penis is and b. looking (without wanting to) long enough to know what he was doing. We knew we’d be blamed before we even knew what victim blaming was.

I was 13

I went shopping with my mom for Eid in Pakistan during the last few days of Ramadan (although I’m an atheist, Eid is a family celebration) when this guy groped me. My mother went ballistic and shortly the mob had taken over to teach him a lesson. I still didn’t know what consent was.

I was 15

A classmate confided how her 17 year old sister had to be given “medication” (read, drugs) a month into her marriage because she was afraid and not ready to have sex — but her family and his family thought it was necessary to consummate the marriage so they sedated her so her husband can have sex with her (read, rape her).

I was 17

I in the doctor’s office in Pakistan for my medical evaluation for my student visa to Canada because I had just secured a full ride scholarship to a private boarding school (United World Colleges) when this doctor draws the curtain asking my mother to wait on the opposite side while he takes my shirt off, asks me to lie down on the table, and fondles me while heaving for a good two minutes saying he needed to check for any lumps. Mind you, I was 17 with no familial or personal history indicating any kind of cancer in my family. The doctor was a Canadian-embassy-appointed panel physician.

Checking for breast lumps was not a Canadian embassy requirement for visa application. My mother knew something happened, might even have seen some of it, and I was quiet the rest of the way home but we didn’t say anything to each other or to any authorities lest it jeopardizes my visa application without which I would not be able to afford the same standard of education because I came from a family with extremely limited resources. Interesting fact, though, I was asked by the Canadian visa officer about a month later when I went for my final interview how come my parents were allowing me to travel across the world alone at 17 when in my “culture” that’s unheard of. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes and simply answered that both my parents are elementary school teachers and they understand the importance of education.

I did get my visa, btw, though it was almost a week delayed from when I had to be on campus.

I was 19

I went to a party on my college campus in Indiana. It was the first semester of my freshman year. We were a couple of months in. The soccer team captain had been staring at me in the cafeteria the past few weeks but I ignored it. That night, at the party, I had one too many beers. I remember briefly dancing with him at the party but the party ended abruptly due to loud noise complaints. Since most of us were underage, there was a bit of chaos as everyone tried to rush out of the premises and back to their dorms. I remember the senior soccer team captain escorting me back to the dorm since his room was in the same hallway as mine.

The next thing I remember, trying to get his heavy and muscular body off my naked body and muttering my Nos to him. He ignores and turns me around and proceeds to rape me. My dorm building was a newer one so it had suites with semi-private bathrooms. Each bathroom was connecting two rooms. His fellow athlete from the other room enters his room through the bathroom door, sees what’s happening with me feebly trying to fight him off, laughs and says, “**** (his name), you asshole.” Turns around and walks off. I see an opportunity and turn around and summon all my strength to say, “I don’t like you, I do not want to have sex with you.” He stares at me in disbelief, says, “you don’t like me? Fine. Get your stuff and leave.” He turns around and pretends he’s fallen asleep. I grab my dress from the floor which I don’t remember taking off, put it on hastily, grab one earring I was wearing but couldn’t find the other one, grab my boots and my underwear in my hands and dash out of the door back to my room where I call my best friend over to tell her what had just happened while I tried to soothe a few bruises I had sustained on my inner thighs. The next morning, a friend of his meets me in the coffee shop and talks me down about his slutty I was on the dance floor and that I started dancing with him when I had never even spoken to him before. I pretty much lost my shit and lectured him on slut-shaming.

I didn’t go to the school or any authorities to report because I had no idea what it would mean for me, my family back in Pakistan, and where to even begin asking for help. I didn’t go open with this story until a couple of years ago.

I was 21

I was in Chicago for the night because I had an early morning flight to Pakistan for summer break leaving from Chicago O’hare. I put up a status on my Facebook before leaving for Chicago that I’ll be coming over and if there’s any friends out there who would like to hangout. A friend who I’d known since we were 14 (because my first date ever was a best friend of his), messages back that he’s moved to Chicago and would love to meet up. He also hooks me up with a good deal at an airport hotel where a cousin of his was a manager. I feel excited that I’ll get to see him after almost 4 years. He generously offers me a ride from the bus stop when I get to Chicago. His cousin comes along too. We all go for dinner and drinks. The next thing I remember, I’m naked in bed with an awful, awful headache and nausea while two men are all over me, one fiddling with a condom. I stand up abruptly. I push them off and pull all the covers on me while my head is still throbbing. I demand an explanation and I tell them I will call 911 and report them which will get them deported. They start crying and begging how they come from poor families and it took their entire family’s savings for them to come to the US to go to a community college.

I was in pain, confused, and realized I have a plane to catch in 8 hours. I asked them to leave the hotel room. I lock the room as soon as they leave. I stumble into the bathroom and see 3 used condoms in the trash can.

I felt disgusting and ashamed. I rip almost an entire roll of toilet paper to throw on top of the trash can to hide the condoms and I proceed to take a long shower. I call a close friend and tell her what happened. I called another friend on the way to the airport to tell what happened. Both of them asked me to report it right away but all I wanted to do was leave Chicago, get on that plane, and run to my mother. I text the guys where they confessed and “apologized” about raping me. I figured I will show this to the police. 30 minutes later they text saying I consented and they didn’t rape me. I was furious. I just got on the plane, never spoke to them again, and was gone from the US for another 3 months. Only after coming back I started looking into sexual assault survivors and the what to dos for reporting — I didn’t know you shouldn’t shower. I didn’t know I had a non-police route of doing a rape kit and having my testimony on record and deciding later what I wanted to do with it. I didn’t know. And I was not a dumb or stupid girl. I was a scholarship holder top of my class student — I was ridden with self-doubt in that moment.

I was 24

And newly in what’s now my current loving relationship when a family friend decides to pin me against the wall while Ali had gone to the bathroom, and tries to feel me up while I have my hands up in the air and demanding him to clear off. There were people in the house including his own wife and while a couple of them said, “****, stop being an asshole” while laughing (btw, why always this sentence?!), no one did anything in the moment. I ultimately had to touch him to push him off and his reply, “aren’t you an atheist?” He was later on reprimanded by the family and profusely apologized. But despite reluctantly forgiving him, I haven’t forgotten this and it has since left a kind of bad taste whenever I do interact with the said person — although he has never, ever crossed a line with anyone that I know of since that day. I am not defending but merely explaining how things can be complicated and repeated interactions doesn’t mean the wrongs were corrected.

And none of this is counting casual sexisms, cat calling, and other instances.

THIS is why I believe YOU.

And THIS is why I continue to fight for women and their empowerment and their liberation.

THIS is why we must raise better men.

THIS is why we must speak out.

THIS is why we should be the kind of parents children can share this with knowing that we will believe them.

THIS is why we need real life Olivia Bensons.

THIS is why we must keep fighting.

THIS is why when Trump mocked Dr. Ford, he mocked ALL WOMEN, EVERYWHERE.

This is why we must fight.

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July 31, 2018August 15, 2018 by AlishbaZarmeen

Are sexy photos important for women’s empowerment?

I posted about my Vancouver Boudoir Photography Marathon on my facebook profile describing how I recently got some heat at a Conference for my unapologetic opinions about women and sexuality. In that post, I talked about how I know from my work with women that a woman who is not sensually and sexually confident is not yet empowered. This was part of my talk at the New York Conference I was invited to speak at. As soon as I made the post,

A woman who follows me on social media asked me sarcastically that, “Yeah ass and tits shots are important for women empowerment.”

You know what I said to her?

I said: Actually, they are.

And here’s why:

When women are shamed for “leaked nudes,” it is important to normalize tits.

When women are shamed for wearing leggings that hug their asses, it is important to normalize women’s asses.

When women are made objects of tabloid cover story because of “side boob” or “nip slip,” it is important to normalize and #FreeTheNipple.

When women are blackmailed for leaked sex tapes, it is important to normalize the fact that women, too, have sex and enjoy sex.

When women are blackmailed by their exes for “revenge porn” publication, it is important to talk about privacy and take away the SHAME from women so that the only person who can be shamed or prosecuted is the person who records and releases someone’s audio-video without their consent.

And most importantly, as another reader chimed in on the post: Whatever photos we (women) want taken of ourselves are important for women empowerment!

I closed with the final statement to the woman who first commented who couldn’t imagine the fact that unclothed, revealing images of women can contribute towards women’s equality that:

As far as my list of reasons to do a boudoir shoot is concerned, I can go the fuck on, girl! 😉

Do you have something to add to this list of political reasons why women should do a boudoir photoshoot?

Send me an email and I will include your reasons to do a boudoir shoot on the blog: hello@dreamboudoirtoronto.com

Want to book a Toronto boudoir photography session with me in my empowering all-female studio?

Click below to send me your email and phone number and let’s schedule a consultation phone call!

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